Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
