you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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