I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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