youre lurking in front of me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
