My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
