its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
