well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
