I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
