Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
