I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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