Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
