Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
did you just send me my own nude
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
