we have pet lesbian snakes
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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