OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
