would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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