i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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