and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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