Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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