I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize