...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
