They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize