I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
