how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
