Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
