My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
