i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
