Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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