all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize