hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
