Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
