...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
