but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
