I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
