Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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