Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize