Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
