Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
