wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
