"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
