I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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