I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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