Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize