i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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