Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
