my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
