Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
