she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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