He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
