dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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