i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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