once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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