my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sorry my hands just texted you
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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