Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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