about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
