This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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