I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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