You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
