i think i have herpe
just one?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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