Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
