you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
