his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
