Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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