So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
