I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
this will be a night to untag.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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