You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
