My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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