Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
