I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i need some magic done to my vagina
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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