My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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