Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
