I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
