im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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