So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
