the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize