I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
