i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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