Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
