She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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