my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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