she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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