I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
