The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
