Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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