2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
