8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
