You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So vagazzling was a success
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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