He asked me if I "almost moaned"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
