i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
