I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
