in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
