I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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