tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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