thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
