What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
