im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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