If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
