If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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