I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
