Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
