she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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